


Scars

by LokianaWinchester



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 10:10:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17785436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokianaWinchester/pseuds/LokianaWinchester
Summary: Remus' feelings about his appearance and how Sirius helped.





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Choddo](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Choddo).



> Happy V-day, bitch. I love you

Remus could not remember a time where he had not been insecure about his scars. Maybe in the first days, before anybody but his parents and the doctors had seen him. But it was inevitable that others would see him.

And when they did, Remus started to hate it, hate the stares and the scars. He hated it, because people did not just see him. They looked at him with pity in their eyes, like they were so sorry for him when in reality they did not even know the real reason they should be sorry. They did not know that he was a werewolf – thankfully, Remus thought – but they still pitied him, based on nothing more than his appearance.

Remus soon found that there was something behind that pity. He looked into the eyes of people and saw their relief, and this was entirely worse. They were relieved that it was not them or their children looking like him.

But those adults, ashamed of their own behaviour, avoiding eye-contact with Remus, were not what – or rather who – made him really feel out of place, but their children.

Children had not learned yet, this ‘polite’ way of dealing with otherness. They were curious until Remus could not stand their gawking anymore, their insisting to touch and ask for answers he could not possibly give. And when he pulled back or shoved them away, when he recoiled, hid his face or just ran away, their curiosity would turn to malice.

Those children made Remus feel so much worse about himself than any pitiful adult ever could.

By the time Remus was allowed to go to Hogwarts he was so used to his situation that he expected it to be no different there. They would still stare, they would still point and laugh at him. This would never change; he had come to expect it everywhere long ago.

What Remus had not expected was to find friends. For as long as he could remember, he had been alone with his life and his mind, which he had to keep occupied so as not to spiral down into the self-hatred his environment seemed to spark in him. So he had read.

And suddenly as he came to Hogwarts, he was no longer the boy with the scars, he was no longer the weird kid, but he was somebody they learned to look up to, because Remus had read a lot. Sure, they were hesitant at first, but then they started coming up to him, asking him for help with homework or simply striking up a conversation and for a couple of minutes, Remus managed to forget about his appearance.

There were still those who would stare from a distance, but Remus would turn away and ignore them. It did not bother him much any more, because now he had friends.

He had three of the best friends he could ever have wished for and Remus was beyond thankful for that. And exactly that was the reason why it pained him so much, having to lie to them. For a long time, he was not sure if they knew something was wrong with him, or that he sneaked out of the castle one night every month, but that did not make it any better. He was still lying to him.

Eventually they confronted him, they were so sure they knew, but Remus was not ready to admit it to anybody. He ran.

It was Sirius who found him hiding in a toilet stall near the library. It was Sirius who talked to him, assured him that they would still be there for him. It was Sirius who told him to

“Breathe in… and out. Slowly. It’s okay.”

Remus was shaking, breaths uneven, the panic was still choking him up but Sirius helped. A hand appeared under the door of the stall.

“C’mon. Let’s do that together.”

Remus reached out, half expecting Sirius to pull back and break out into laughter. But the hand remained, steady fingers closing around Remus’.

“Okay. Breathe,” Sirius said quietly. “In…”

Remus complied, held his breath.

“Out.”

He was still trembling.

“In.”

It was easier now.

“Out.”

More steady.

“In.”

Remus closed his eyes and leaned back against the cold tiles.

“Out.”

A moment of silence.

“Are you okay?”

Remus smiled.

“I’m better.”

He let go off Sirius’ hand and got up to unlock the door. Sirius was sitting on the floor, leaning against the tiled wall, looking up at Remus expectantly. He scrambled to his feet when their eyes met and closed his arms around Remus.

“We’re still your friends,” he said and Remus believed him.

Like Sirius had assured him, nothing changed. But at the same time, everything changed. Remus’ friends immediately started making plans about becoming animagi – no matter how much Remus objected; he knew how dangerous he was – and eventually succeeded.

But something else also changed. Remus only realised years later, but this day was the starting point of his feelings. Right there, on the bathroom floor, Remus had begun the long journey of falling in love with Sirius.

And even though from this day on he felt less self-conscious about his scars than ever before – because he did not have to hide their nature anymore, he was accepted just as he was by the people most important to him – these feelings acted contrary to that.

Even if Sirius could still accept him as a friend, that did not mean that he would find Remus attractive. Even if he insisted that he was just as messed up – differently but just the same – Remus still did not believe him. Too often had he been looked at with disrespect and dishonesty to believe those sentiments.

The summer of their seventh year was stressful, exams were coming closer and everybody was nearly going crazy studying, or at least worrying because they were not studying. And Remus found himself worrying about Sirius. Before, it had always been clear that they were going to see each other again after summer break, but now, he was not so sure. So Remus’ already existing anxiety about exams and the end of his life at Hogwarts was exacerbated by this uncertainty about Sirius.

But he was there; Sirius was there and the more he comforted Remus, the more Sirius touched him, took Remus’ hands between his own, the worse it became.

And then Sirius took his face between his hands, thumbs caressing Remus’ cheeks, while he moved in. Never had Remus worried less about his scars, never had he been less bothered, because maybe his hopes had not been for nothing after all. Sirius’ lips were soft, his kiss hesitant like Remus himself, but when they broke apart, he saw a soft smile on those lips, mirroring his own. There was a sparkle in Sirius’ eyes, though, that was nothing like Remus’, a gleam of mischief and joy, that spread into his smile, turning it into a wide grin.

“Okay,” Sirius whispered and leaned in again. Remus buried his hands in Sirius’ hair, angling his head to deepen the kiss. ‘Okay,” he thought and smiled.

Sirius took to tracing Remus’ scars. It took a while for either of them to initiate this touch, but there was nobody Remus felt as unshakably comfortable with, as with Sirius. And Sirius was so touchy, this was near inevitable.

They would lie in bed at night, moonlight streaming in through the window; a sight that had caused Remus enough anxiety in his life, but now it was peaceful. Sirius would kiss him, gently, swiping the strands from his forehead, fingertips light on Remus’ skin, lighter than the soft moonshine.

“Thank you,” Sirius whispered and despite everything, Remus realised right there and then that his life had turned out perfectly after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm always a slut for kudos and comments, so please leave me some!


End file.
